Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
