I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
