Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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