While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
