I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
