You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
