I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
