Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
