were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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