my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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