can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
