So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
