By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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