She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
