dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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