Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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