Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
