Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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