Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
