I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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