I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
