I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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