They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
