i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
