i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
