i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
