just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
