No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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