Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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