i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize