I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize