i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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