i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
