She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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