You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
