i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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