you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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