Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
