I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
