I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
