if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
