My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
