My first STD was from a foam party
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
