I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
