I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
