I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
