i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
