I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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