My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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