Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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