Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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