He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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