david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
