Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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