hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need a beard to bite.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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