He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
