Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
