Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?