you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
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I need a burrito and a hug.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.