Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

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  (620): my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!" (785): you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me? http://tfl.nu/e8og
  Replies (37) Good night (871) Bad night (3662)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.

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  (845): just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever. http://tfl.nu/d1ay
  Replies (21) Good night (8776) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.

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  (419): It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo. http://tfl.nu/e5lr
  Replies (4) Good night (567) Bad night (3714)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did you even date her?

  (214): View more from Texas

  because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

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  (314): What did you even date her? (214): because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed. http://tfl.nu/g42u
  Replies (38) Good night (4831) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.

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  (702): think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010. http://tfl.nu/zikd
  Replies (17) Good night (636) Bad night (3287)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

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  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (7005) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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  (405): I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine. http://tfl.nu/ew02
  Replies (8) Good night (3200) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.

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  (206): Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/drhd
  Replies (6) Good night (1126) Bad night (2845)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual

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  (864): she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual http://tfl.nu/fkyx
  Replies (3) Good night (1320) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.

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  (317): Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/d60f
  Replies (15) Good night (2967) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night

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  (303): New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night http://tfl.nu/j3fg
  Replies (11) Good night (2247) Bad night (1146)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?

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  (308): Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/mlvm
  Replies (8) Good night (1830) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You were supposed to behave this weekend.

  (1+61): View more from

  But... naked.

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  (+61): You were supposed to behave this weekend. (1+61): But... naked. http://tfl.nu/grfl
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (166)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.

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  (269): I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest. http://tfl.nu/z8nn
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.

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  (304): Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill. http://tfl.nu/pwe1
  Replies (5) Good night (508) Bad night (145)

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