no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.