he wants to bone in the snuggie
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok