so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????