Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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