See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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