I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
