i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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