I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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