it wasn't lemon gatorade
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize